The New Normal

Guy I know sent me this meme (below)--me and a dozen other people on his list of cronies. He sends me a lot of things like this. He believes I'm like him. In some ways, I am--retired white guy. 

After the title line, the meme he sent is all in red.

I used to be a normal man.

As a man, I used to think I was a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist & responsible for slavery.

[Okay, I get this.] 

I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan & support myself.

[Not like other lazy a--hole welfare queens.]

I went to High School, worked through college, got a degree & have held a job. I am not here because I earned it, but because I was advantaged.

[He didn't go to college and never finished high school, but he didn't write this meme--he's just yukking about it and passing it along, figuring I'll get a kick out of it too.]

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class & ally of big business.

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a member of the vast NRA gun lobby.

I am older than 65 & retired, making me a useless old man who doesn't understand Facebook.

[Yeah, good stuff]

I think & I reason, so I doubt what main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

[Sure--main stream media. Sure. Preach it.]

I am proud of my heritage & our inclusive American culture, making me a xenophobe.

[I'm not sure exactly what he means by "inclusive American culture?"--but I think I know.]

I value my safety & that of my family, & I appreciate the police & the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop-loving extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort - not freedom of outcome or subsidies, which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense & protection of America for & by all citizens, now making me a militant.

[These last few are sketchy, but he's got something going, doesn't he?]

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, & the many who died to let it fly, so I stand & salute during our National Anthem, taking me back where I started - I must be a racist.

[NFL stuff. Yeah, hit that too.]

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!

[He's begging someone to hear him. Me, I guess--after all, I got the meme.  And Trump, don't you think? Trump speaks this language too. He knows. "Make America Great Again."]

I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, newfound changes to my thinking! I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly! Funny - it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years! 

[What's-his-name?--that guy from Kenya? He done us all in.]

If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use, & I gotta go..........FREQUENTLY!!!

[Ahhhh, great joke!!! Side-splittin' stuff. "I used to be a normal man." Well, welcome to the new normal, eh? "Where's the john?"--what a hoot! But if you're thinking of passing this particular meme along, don't--not right now anyway. Wait for the mess to go away like it always does after these shooting things. You know, talk about mental health--and video games.]