Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Friday, May 06, 2016

From the museum--To be (cool) or not to be

[From the museum--4/5/10. Occasional old posts from yesteryear. Life has changed, truth endures.]

I'm still suffering, big-time, from a little moonlighting I'm doing. The job's been fun, but it's just about killing me. What I do have is some spare pocket change jangling like sweet Christmas bells; and this weekend, the iPad stepped out from months and months of marketing fanfare. Steve Jobs' newest fandangle. How cool is that--only $500 bucks, too.

Five hundred smackers is not just a few buffalo nickels. But my near-death experience with this other job nudges at me along by insisting that I rather unCalvinisticly deserve a little something for all those hours of work this little extra gig has cost me. I deserve something like an iPad. After all, think of my suffering.

Besides, I'd love to surf technology's cutting edge, love to be out there catching the wave, an old fart out front for a change. We're far more likely Luddites, tucking our thumbs behind the straps of our bib overalls and insisting to our paunchy cohorts that the sky is, in fact, falling. Shoot, my students would think me cool should I march into class with an iPad. I could shed years with a single sweeping grand entrance. A veritable fountain of youth.

And I can afford it.

But it has no usb port, it doesn't support flash, and the silly thing won't multi-task.

But it's cool--good night, it's cool.

But we've already got a mini and my huge old desktop here in the basement. I don't need an iPad.

You don't need two cars either, but you got 'em.

And you've got a laptop at school too, and you can haul it home anytime you want and take it anywhere around the world.

But I don't have a iPhone.

Big frickin' deal.

But I'd love to goof around.

You don't have time to goof around. You're always belly-aching about time.

But wouldn't it be fun?

Listen, Sherlock--you don't have time for fun.


Still what?

I got an extra $500.

Give it to the poor. All you need around here is another gimmick gadget to collect dust. Look around. Remember what you're granddaughter said not two months ago when she was down here: "What you going to do with all this stuff when you die, Grandpa?"

All right, all right.

Don't "all right" me. You know you don't need some skinny little iPad. It's 500 schmakers, for pity sake.

It's stupid, I guess--just a whim.

Now you're talking sense.

Thus, doth conscience make fools of us all.

But it would be way cool.

Upshot? Never got one. Bought an HP pad, used, when I went to Africa five years and a retirement later. That's it up there at the top of the page. Cost me $200. If you're wondering, I'm still regularly haunted by strange voices.

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