Beginning to go -- xiv

April 16:

Today it is my birthday; I am 41 years of age. 

Most often--I'm sure there were exceptions--Chaplain Van's GIs were significantly  younger than he was. I'm sure there were other 41 year-olds, but most of the men were in their early twenties. 

Just how that age gap affected the leave-taking they all knew was coming is hard to tell by the diaries. Chaplain Van, even in a medium as  personal as a diary, rarely show emotions. What was happening all around now is this leave-taking. Finally, his men were moving, most all of them overseas, and to war.

April 22:

A large number of soldiers are leaving for overseas shipment.  Many are apprehensive and anxious. A private  came to  my office to say good-bye and to thank me for my services. He said, "I will take my Lord with me, as I go across." It reminds me of the hymn we often sing in chapel. 

Lead, Kindly Light amidst the encircling gloom. 

Lead thou me on! 

Keep thou my feet. 

I do not ask to see the distant scene. 

One step is enough for me.

 We'll not second-guess Chaplain Van's not getting it exactly right. What he's facing demands all the grace we can give him. The lines actually go like this.

Lead, Kindly Light, amidst th’encircling gloom,
Lead Thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home,

Lead Thou me on!
Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.

Chaplain Van rarely shows much emotion, even though he's talking only to his diary. Few moments of personal examination are recorded, no moments of real doubt. 

But this moment, so long awaited yet so much feared, is one of the great tests. The old hymn, a hymn I don't myself remember singing--is immensely precious if you listen to the choir (below) and read the lyrics as they sing, then put yourself in the Chaplain's place--a kind of father figure to many he's served in camp. He's watching hundreds of GIs finally move away from training into what?--into what the old hymn calls "the distant scene." All the hymn admits to desiring is one step into the unknown--just be with me, Lord, "for just one step--the next."

Chaplain Van's memory refreshes him with a hymn that is pitch perfect for the emotional moment he experiences.