Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Wednesday, April 06, 2016

Morning Thanks from the file--shorter shorts

Okay, I know it's not that big of a deal, or that it's going to affect me greatly for what years the Lord in his mercy ultimately allows me, or that it will somehow alter the direction of world history; but the fact is, I'm thankful for the hottest men's fashion news upcoming this summer--to wit, that shorts are getting shorter. It  cheers my soul, in fact.

For one thing, shorter shorts will make those ancient basketball uniforms millions of males used to wear look far less goofy. In the olden days, we were men, not weird. On old men or young, those billowing artless baggies have to be less comfortable--or so it would appear to me. Not that I own any.

Take it from an old guy--the demise of baggie shorts is further proof that if you live long enough you don't have to dump skinny ties. All things must pass--only, zombie-like, to return. The only constant is change--you can quote me on that.

Still, a man like me, drawing altogether too close to 70 years old and not blessed with great legs anyway, might well cover up better in a pair of these baggies,

all that denim covering thunder thighs. Quite frankly, I don't think I'd ever get out on the street in a pair of these. I'd be arrested by some branch of fashion police if my wife didn't simply shoot me first.

At my age new fashion trends won't make me redo the closet. Still, I'm glad they're back--real shorts. Not short shorts either, just those comfy half-pants we used to call "shorts." and Furthermore, I'm happy those billowing pantaloons are on their way to the St. Vincent DePaul, where I wish them a long and satisfying shelf life.

It's the kind of fashion trend I like--won't cost me a dime.


Anonymous said...

Hey Jimmy:
It is fantastic to see you are making a fashion statement... you might want to start your own fashion column....

I have a few features to add to your skinny shorts piece....

I want to suggest that the Duluth Trading Company manufacture and market these "skinny shorts". Along with the shorts, may I suggest their Long-tail T-Shirts which provides the cure for plumber's butt... a BIG issue for gang members.

May I also recommend that these shorts be made from the same material as the Buck Naked Underwear, which feels like wearing nothing at all and eliminates the pinch, stink, or sweat.

Also, may I suggest shorts for the working man, the DuluthFlex Fire Hose work skinny shorts... they provide crouch, climb, conquer and comfort like none other.

Lastly, I would recommend a denim pair of skinny shorts that resembles the Ballroom Jeans. They will let you crouch without the ouch and they have 5 pockets and a slot to carry your pencil...


J. C. Schaap said...

FYI, I'm sitting here in a Duluth Trading Post shirt. I know whereof you speak :).

Anonymous said...

Laugh a lot!