Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Rush and the savior

Here's Rush's take. I heard him yesterday while I was driving back from Omaha, listened to his wisdom first hand on talk radio.

American evangelicals wake up one morning to find the house full of rats: dirty rotten liberals--you know, Obama and his ilk. The whole house, every square inch, wherever they look there are beady-eyed, buck-toothed rats who've long ago robbed us of our freedom. It's awful. You can't take a step without some pointy-headed rodent underfoot or drawing blood because they bite, too. Awful. They're everywhere, an infestation. There is no peace, no rest. Only war. So totally have the rodents taken over the house that the only things American evangelicals have time for is finding a way to get rid of them.

Listen, these evangelicals have prayed for deliverance. They've trusted in a sovereign God to rid themselves of the pestilence that's making life miserable in and out of their closets, but everywhere they look the still see rats and more rats. It's a plague of biblical proportions. 

Along comes an Orkin Man with yellow hair, a stuffed billfold, and fat little hands. He says he's got a concoction of poisons and old-fashioned potions ("Trust me," he says) that'll knock the shit out of them, all those stinking rats, and he'll use it when he becomes President. (BTW, that's his language--the way he explains things.)

Now the Orkin man has had three wives, including his latest, who's a real trophy. He's also foul-mouthed, and, Lord knows he'd have trouble getting through the eye of the needle. He's made his fortune in real estate and casinos, gambling halls, and not long ago was actually among the rats himself, a fat cat rat. But he's seen the error of his ways. He says he's a great Christian, even though he can't remember ever telling anyone he was sorry for anything. Sure, he's rough around the edges, but didn't Jesus hang out with tough guys?  Besides, he's repented of all of that. He's a convert. He only recently become an Orkin man.

And hey, when you're looking at a plague, what do you really care about a savior's personal life? What evangelicals know is that the house is full of rats--they're everywhere, and we need the Orkin man like none other to get the filthy, evil things out, to clean the place up, to make America great again.

That's how Rush sees it, just in case you missed it yesterday. 

Not since General Sherman torched Atlanta on his "March to the Sea" has America seen anything quite as devastating as the Donald's mad campaign for President. The guy has laid waste all kinds of heretofore sturdy traditions, broken just about every rule of campaigning, and totally confounded those who think they understand American politics, whether they see things from the left or from the right.  "I could shoot a man on Fifth Avenue and still be loved," he said right here at Dordt College. He's probably right. To Rush, he's the Orkin man.

Among American evangelicals he's created an identity crisis of cosmic proportions. They don't even know who they are. 

Right now, he's got us scrambling for a definition, something to describe ourselves. The only real competition left, the only fighter in the ring other than Trump is Ted Cruz, who built his campaign on winning "the evangelical vote." 

Guess what? A funny thing happened on the way to church. American evangelicals weren't buying. Instead, they've been going consistently for the Orkin man. Trump took out Cruz's strategy by snaring most of what people have considered "evangelicals," even though he says "Two Corinthians." 

There's never been anything like it. Ever. It's huge. 

But when you got rats coming out of your ears, Rush says, you don't ask whether the Orkin man reads the Bible. You hire him.

Thus saith Rush, who's been fighting vermin for decades, and admires Donald Trump, who promises, among other things, to save us from the rats.

Millions of evangelicals believe him. 

Me? Count me among the lost. I think the Orkin man is a con. I prefer the rats. 

I guess that means I'm no evangelical.

Even the New York Times is asking evangelicals what it means to be evangelical. Read through some responses here. 


Anonymous said...

It is a good thing the Almighty does not plan on using government to achieve his goals... after-all, He instituted the church to get the job done... I'll bet it works... it even has the Head one can believe in... Jesus Christ! I hope the evangelicals haven't forgotten...

David Rupert said...

Powerful stuff