“I remembered you, O God, and I
groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.”
Psalm 77:3
There have been times in church
when I nearly lost my wife. Maybe I should say she nearly loses herself. Maybe
we attend too often. Maybe we’ve attended for far too long—both of us, for our
entire lifetimes. Maybe it’s the people around us—a wonderful place full of
happy faces; but there have been times when I nearly
lost her. She doesn’t sing, doesn’t read along, doesn’t appear to be in it. At
the end of the sermon last night, she was looking down at her hands and had
been for a long, long time.
She is my wife, and I think I
understand her, although with each passing year of my life I’m less sure of
anyone’s being able to enter the corners of any one else’s secret places. But
because she is my wife, I know something of what she is feeling. After all, I too
feel the weight of what’s on her shoulders.
We’ve been through times both of
us hope never, ever to experience again. “No young man thinks he shall ever
die,” Hazlitt once wrote, one of my all-time favorite aphorisms. But neither
does any young man ever understand what he will go through when he experiences the suffering of his children. Watching kids hurt is nothing you can prepare for; and when it happens, when
it’s bad, a black hole threatens to swallow everything around it.
It is the lot of parents to worry
even more than their children do, even when children create the worry—and even
when the children themselves do worry. We don’t live in our children’s skin. We
don’t know what they’re feeling from moment to moment, so what we’re left with
is the deadly sting of those few moments when we
witness the poison. They may well go back to their places, turn on some music or
watch a movie, and walk out of the darkness. Not so, us. We’ll spend the rest
of the weekend in a midnight winter.
Their hurts inflict wounds on us, creates bleeding that doesn’t stanch easily because the older one becomes, the fewer
coagulants one’s insides create. Blood spatters all over, on everything. It
smears the walls in the living room and pools in the bedroom. And when we go to
church, we leave tracks right into the pew.
And that’s why I say that there have been times in church when I almost lost my wife. I almost lost myself.
I know of no better way to
understand what Asaph is recalling in his own life here in Psalm 77. In the
night, hands extended, he hoped and prayed for blessing that simply didn’t
come. What he knows all too well is being lost, is the very language of his
groaning. And he knows that sound because
he knows blessings, oodles of them. When those blessings seem not to exist, the
spiritual, mental, and even physical pain is excruciating. His groaning takes
words.
Most of us suffer the moments when
our deepest cries and most fervent prayers seem as bootless as Asaph’s. When it
seems to him that God has grown deaf he experiences the pain of only of those who know the Lord. When
God doesn’t pick up the phone, believers feel unspeakably alone, even in
worship, maybe even most alarmingly then. Then there are no words, only
groaning.
“I remembered you, O God, and I
groaned.”
Been there, done that.
The psalm's real blessing, even in distress, is that we're not alone. No, never alone.
9 comments:
I hear you Jim. Thanks.
Been there, done that. Thx.
Accckk - not sure how this plays out for you but I do identify with your description of what it is like to see our children suffer. Your words, and the psalmists - resonate deeply. May it soon pass.
I should have previewed - psalmist's
sac vanessa bruno, michael kors, ralph lauren uk, kate spade, nike blazer pas cher, burberry handbags, lululemon canada, nike tn, coach purses, north face, coach outlet, vans pas cher, abercrombie and fitch uk, uggs outlet, sac hermes, timberland pas cher, coach outlet store online, converse pas cher, replica handbags, hogan outlet, hollister pas cher, guess pas cher, mulberry uk, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, uggs outlet, nike air max, nike air force, true religion jeans, burberry outlet, ray ban pas cher, north face uk, michael kors outlet, michael kors, ray ban uk, oakley pas cher, new balance, michael kors outlet, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, polo lacoste, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike roshe run uk, hollister uk
herve leger, lululemon, reebok outlet, ferragamo shoes, wedding dresses, louboutin, longchamp uk, gucci, converse outlet, new balance shoes, mont blanc pens, nike air max, celine handbags, nike roshe run, hollister, nike trainers uk, p90x workout, beats by dre, mcm handbags, converse, nfl jerseys, instyler, nike air max, ralph lauren, valentino shoes, hollister, ghd hair, giuseppe zanotti outlet, abercrombie and fitch, vans, iphone cases, nike huaraches, baseball bats, vans outlet, hermes belt, chi flat iron, hollister clothing, babyliss, asics running shoes, oakley, soccer shoes, north face outlet, ray ban, mac cosmetics, timberland boots, bottega veneta, jimmy choo outlet, soccer jerseys, north face outlet, insanity workout
خدمات عجمان
صيانة مكيفات جنرال عجمان
صيانة مكيفات ماتاتسوبشي عجمان
شركة تسليك مجاري بالقصيم
شركة تركيب اثاث ايكا بالدمام
شركة تركيب طارد حمام بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات بالدمام
شركة نقل اثاث بالدمام
شركة تنظيف مسابح بالدمام
شركة تنظيف مساجد بالدمام
شركة تنظيف واجهات زجاج بالدمام
شركة تنظيف فلل بالدمام
شركة تنظيف شقق بالدمام
خدمات تلال
شركة تعقيم وتطهير بالشارقة
شركة تعقيم بالبخار فى الشارقة
Post a Comment