I'm good--I really am

I'm not revealing some precious secret here, but neither do I believe I've ever admitted it publicly on this media. I'm not particularly up tight about it either, although I do hope that I'm finally finished growing when it comes to my feet. I'm told I may not be since most two-legged's feet, like ear lobes and fingernails, just keep on growing when nothing else seems to. Sorry, that sounds a lot like Poe. 

What I want to say is that my feet are big, terribly big, terrifyingly big--size 16, which is way, way beyond what one might think normal on a man who is about 6'2". It's been difficult, throughout my life: I want to bowl and there's no shoes big enough. I want to roller skate or ice skate, and I'm forced to the bleachers. 

Little known fact: most stairs are not made for people with size 16 shoes. Especially now, in my dotage, stairs are dangerous because one has to position one's klompen sideways before reaching for the handrail or else risk tripping and sprawling out in some unseemly fashion down the stairway. Daily, I risk death on stairs. 

What's more, potential horror is about ten times worse since back trouble came up like some monster unseen. I need to breathe deeply when descending a stairway--I am, after all, already bathed in butt-to-toe pain. Given my condition, I've found out that going barefoot is no option; I have to wear shoes.

So what's atop the page there is a pair of sneakers that have proved about as good as any pair I own, especially during these weeks of my handicap. They're New Balance, and I got them years ago from Ebay, which is my Walmart, the very best place to shop for Big Foot shoes. Hardly any ordinary shoe store carries size 16. I can shop all afternoon on Ebay.

This old pair is used, which I like because it means that some other bloke broke them in. My NB therapeutics got some miles on them. Trust me, no one my age wears out shoes in such ordinary ways. These belonged to a runner, which is why these soles got some wear on 'em (a line I'm not going to touch even though my Calvinist instincts want badly to do so and Fred Buechner absolutely couldn't have left it alone).

Because they're the feel-good shoes in my closet right now, I thought I'd make sure I to get another pair of New Balance sneakers, another pair that dispense similar grace. Back to Ebay.

In all honesty, what I got is a majorly good buy (not all Ebay buys are). This pair of New Balance sneakers have barely been worn, and I got them for $25. That's the stuff of legends. New, they'd be four or five times that. 

Okay, the downside is they turned out to be not quite so sweet on my feet as the old NBers, but I've got them in my closet anyway, in case I feel up to a half-marathon.

In other words, I'm okay with shoes right now. What's more, I've now had two really great mornings, pain-wise. I don't know if my back is creating its own miracle, or if, later on today, ye olde sciatica will simply unleash its fiery fury once more. Either way--healthy or hurtin'--not to worry. What I want to say is, I'm well-heeled, well-shod. And therefore in no need of more or better footwear. 

I say that just in case someone out there, having heard my lament, thought they'd satisfy my longing by buying me yet another pair, a deeply patriotic pair of these.

Honestly, I appreciate your thinking of me, but I'm good. I really am--I'm good.