I don't recognize the background, so I'm guessing it's somewhere close to where we lived in the spring of 1948. My two sisters were already creating havoc in the neighborhood when I came onto the scene, exactly--today--78 years ago.
His tie is a little bold, don't you think? --almost Native looking. I don't think Dad ever walked into a room and overwhelmed the place, not that he would have wanted to. He was mild-mannered and thoughtful, by nature not judgmental, just about as good a father as I could have wished. At his funeral, a dozen people--maybe more--told me my dad was a saint. They weren't kidding.
He's been gone for a decade or so, passed without great drama, in a quiet, saintly fashion. As a believer, he was top-notch without being showy--that tie isn't like him. I think it's fair to say that he honestly tried to be the best human being he could because he believed with all his heart that's what Christ wanted of him and all of us.
We split loyalties when it came to politics. Where his ardent Republicanism came from, I'll never know. He was inescapably conservative but never mean, never Trumpian. I was in high school when I met a housewife from Madison, WI, whose husband, she told us, was in Selma, marching for racial justice with Martin Luther King. It was 1965. That revelation just floored me because she was so ordinary, probably in her fifties, no commie radical. For me, that iced it--MLK wasn't the leftist enemy Dad thought he was. There was more to the story.
Dad lived in a world where one's lot in life was determined by personal responsibility. Those who sweat through it, succeeded; those who didn't, did not. I don't know that Dad ever had a sense of what "Jim Crow" meant, or the legacies of slavery. He probably knew more about Calvinist theology than he did about American history.
It's sometimes hard to admit that I have become him far more than I once might have guessed. Even when I thought his shadow wasn't around, it was--and still is. I'd love a trike right now--something I could ride through the trails all around our new place. On Saturday, I went out to a bike shop with such specialties, got myself an intro to biking for people with my infirmities. When we talked price, I balked--after all, what would my dad think of his son putting that kind of money into a fancy trike with an electric motor? He wouldn't have said no--he wasn't judgmental; but his hesitancy had its own language. He still has a hand in every major decision I make.
A couple years after his death, I was suddenly struck with the perception that he might never have quite understood his son's fiction, novels and short stories. Neither of my parents were readers; neither had any penchant for imaginative literature. Dad might have found it difficult, if not impossible to realize that when his son created a father in a story or novel, that father wasn't necessarily modeled after his own. I know he disliked Home Free, my first novel, because he believed people who read it and knew him somehow mistakenly figured the opinionated, crusty old Dutch immigrant father was somehow him. Nothing could be further from the truth.
So, I've been working on a collection of my stories, published through the years, a collection with plenty of explanations and sources, a collection that speaks to them, explains where ideas come from and how those ideas become transformed into the "felt life" of fiction.
About heavenly libraries I know absolutely nothing, and they--Mom and Dad--are both long gone. How can I write it for them?
Like I say, Dad may have departed this life some time ago, but that doesn't mean he's left the scene. Nor Mom. There's a lot of her and a lot of him I hear when their voices sound within me.
This morning--the 17th of February 2026, is exactly 78 years since I left Sheboygan Memorial Hospital adorned with this.
Long ago, birthdays stopped being "fun," but my getting another year and salvaging that old picture up top reminds me that today, as always, I have much to be thankful for.
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