Just another dang cold post

 

It's that time of year when there's no seriously good reason for living here. My phone sports its own cute digital thermometer--it's there 24/7, even if I don't want to know the temp. For the record, right now it's -15 degrees, and the wind chill is checking in at -27 and promises--ain't we got fun--upwards of -30.

Out here in the Upper Midwest, this killer of a weather phenom isn't going away soon, and it's already overstayed its welcome, wind to take your skin off like a ratchet.

One of the small blessings of such utterly horrible temperatures is an opportunity to empty the freezer, put all the provender outside, then let the thick frost melt away into a pan. Barbara cleans the freezer up, plugs it back in, we shimmy the thing back into its corner, then retrieve the whole mess of frozen provender from the garage (looked like a food drive outside of our place), and finish up, proving that such horridly cold weather is at least good for defrosting freezers.

But not much else. A good old bachelor named A. J. Boersma once told me that the roof of the little farmhouse they lived in when he and his family immigrated to America--it was out in the hills near Fairview, SD--had no insulation, shingles just nailed to boards pounded into the studs. When he and his brothers would wake up on mornings like this one, they'd peek up from beneath a ton of blankets and check the nails in the ceiling to see how much frost hung on them. Frosted nails were their thermometer.

It's possible that the Omaha who might have lived here--and certainly did both farther north and farther south--found possible shelter in earth homes the Arikara taught them to build. The Yanktons just stoked up the fire in the tipi, I guess, and laid a half-ton more stones over the bottom edge of the buffalo hides used for siding.

Buffalo, of course, had no problem. I remember reading somewhere that in the horrible blizzard of the early 90s, North Dakota lost thousands of cattle to three-feet of snow and extreme temps--a thousand cattle and just one buffalo. Of course, bison pull on an extra layer or two (or three) of winter coats, and come factory-equipped with their own snow plows. Don't worry about buffalo.

All the sensible retirees are playing "Up and Down the River" in the community room of their Florida trailer courts right now. Even shuffle board sounds good. It's so cold, even the buffalo are thinking seriously about Arizona. 

Just how close is it? So cold that mailmen fear for polar bears. . .that people get morning coffee on a stick. . .that old men fart in snowflakes. . .that cold cops turn tazers on each other. 

Look, no matter how to cut it or slice it or plow it, it's just freakin' cold. 

And that's why, this morning, I'm greatly thankful I'm not in the old Boersma house or even waking up beneath a buffalo robe. I'm just thankful for sweet, warm shelter--and, oh, yes, that the freezer's defrosted.