Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Welcome to my nightmare


When I was a boy, I got absolutely no joy out of this little lie, which hung, suitably framed, in the cramped office of Dr. Failor, a man we couldn't help but dub Dr. Failure, out of spite, I suppose, the same species of spite this graffiti artist in knickers is feeling. I thought hanging this picture on the wall of his dentist waiting room was a bitter joke. It wasn't funny. It was the plain truth because I was--and still am--one of those poor souls blessed with a double whammy: teeth so soft they seemed to shop for cavaties, plus zero tolerance for pain, especially that inflicted orally by Dr. Failure. 

That picture was not funny because I knew that when I'd emerge from Failure's torture chamber, I would be that kid, sans headband, scarred for life. That pup gets it. There's more sympathy on his mug than the kid is likely to get from anyone for the rest of the day or week, which is why, I figured, people called 'em man's best friend. "So there, you a_ _hole," that mutt is saying.  Look at him. You can read his lips. Pardon his French. He knows darn well the whole setup is not funny at all.

This morning, barring a blizzard, I've got an appointment with a madman who's spent his entire working life in a chamber of horrors. He's going to pull a tooth of mine, somewhere so far back that the dark hole it leaves behind won't make me look like some grinning asylum escapee. All night long, my overactive imagination has been exploding with horrors.  You know, like this. . .


or this--


or this--


or this--


You guessed it--that fancy necklace ain't pearl. Think the worst.

I'm serious. All night long it's been nightmares.


. . .and this. . .



even this.


So this may be it for me. No more stuff from the basement. I may never return. 

On the other hand, I may just take my revenge.



Note the tense. Note it carefully. Wish me luck.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I too remember that 1st picture well. It doesn't haunt me but I never forgot it. Where in the world did you find that pic?

Slice of Orange said...

I can share your pain Jim. Having spent many a times in a dentist chair, I can relate. Although I can honestly say I love my dentist:) I hope you survived and that your nightmares may end!

Janie

Anonymous said...

Now , it wasn't that bad was it??? You must have had real nightmares if you called Dr.____ a madman! Can't wait for your next appointment--- when we can prove you wrong once again. Happy to assist you in your dental work anytime, yipeeee !!!

Riet Kim said...

Haha. This made me think of the "Dental Care" song by Owl City.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SukdLOMK0iE

Elliot Bagley said...

I understand your fear, Jim. It’s really hard to overcome your fear of dentist, especially if your previous appointments are really painful. Thanks to clinics that offer sedation dentistry, we can enjoy healthier teeth without the pain! You just have to find a reliable dentist who’ll make sure that your treatments are administered properly. How’s your teeth now?

Elliot Bagley

Javier Portocarrero said...

Why do dentists get a bad rep? With anesthesia nowadays, pain must have been greatly reduced when compared to previous decades. But yes, sometimes local anesthesia is no match to the brewing pain inside you. Wishing for a painless trip to the dentist for you!
Javier Portocarrero @ AlluringSmilesAZ.com

Clinton Zelman said...

Our generation is lucky to have sedation dentistry. We don’t have to worry about the excruciating pain of drilling and pulling our teeth. However, you have to consult a reliable dentist to ask about the amount of sedation you can tolerate. If you think your dentist is hiding some information that you must know, never hesitate to find another one. :)

Clinton Zelman