Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Morning Thanks--loving the feeble


I don't use the word feeble very frequently, but my guess is that few of us do. If we use the word at all we're likely to be humorous in a derogatory fashion, as in "that was a feeble attempt at a joke." Like the word handicapped, it's a word whose disuse is attributable to a fungus that stealthily grew up around it and eventually choked it. 

But people can be feeble, even if we won't or don't describe them as such. Generally, when feeble people are on stage before us, there's nothing funny about it. 

This couple seemed feeble, this old couple, the husband far more than his wife. She seemed feeble too, but weary fits her better: he was feeble, which has much to do with why she seemed weary.  My guess is it was a stroke, at least the way he carried his left arm--high up over his chest, crooked yet limp--suggesting muscles frozen in place. She had to help him with his jacket. Outside it was wickedly cold.  

"Help him" is an inadequate modifier. Getting him into his thick winter jacket was not easy, that stiff left arm being no help at all. She had to draw the back of the jacket like a curtain over his shoulders to get it around him, and then there were gloves, and scarf, and hat. She dressed him as if she were his child, and I'd like to be able to say that her great love shown like the morning sun, but I can't say it clearly. Dedication?--yes. Concern?--of course. But she seemed very weary.

It was only nine a.m., and the waiting room outside the doctor's office was filled with people who were just about the same age, including my father-in-law. We'd all come to the office for the same treatment, injections into the eyes to hold off the decimation created by a species of macular degeneration that can at least be held at bay, even though it can't be cured.

The feeble old man with the bad arm and shoulder wore a thick cotton patch over one eye, the one that likely had been treated, held there by a rude cross of tape. All the while his wife dressed him for winter, he showed no smile, no frown.  He seemed in a daze, his face flaccid, his thin hair a maelstrom to which he was, at best, oblivious. She did all the work, his helpmeet. 

Recently, we buried our 95-year-old mother. Yesterday, I was there in the office with my 94-year-old father-in-law. My wife and I have spent a lot of time in retirement homes, seen a host of feeble people.  But yesterday morning, something in the moment, the two of them taking forever to get dressed for the cold, made me realize how much work it is for some old people--and in all likelihood I'll be one of them sometime--simply to step out of their apartments, sub-zero or not. Going to a doctor for shots may well have been, for them, the event of the week. 

They left through a door that mercifully opened for them, she holding his arm tenaciously. 

It was theater, after a fashion, orchestrated movement acted out on a waiting room stage, a one-act play with multiple interpretations for those who observed, but, in our world, a drama that's staged a million times a day, always poorly attended.

And then they returned. She led him back through the automatic door, his arm still in her hand, his face just as flaccid and stoic as it had been when they departed. She nudged him to her right, found a convenient chair, set him down clumsily until he rested, that cotton patch still there over his left eye, his mouth gaping.

She went to a nurse for a phone book. 

Another nurse called my father-in-law's name. It was his turn for a shot, our turn for tests.

I have no idea why they returned, but I'm guessing, even now, a day later, that she got him out into the car, got in behind the wheel herself, pulled the key from the purse, stuck it into the ignition, turned it hard, and nothing happened. 

There was nothing she could do but get him back inside and call somebody.

A half hour later, when Dad had his own eye-patch, and we walked back into the waiting room to retrieve our coats, they were gone, the feeble old man and his weary, longsuffering wife.  She had to be 90 herself.

When my mother-in-law died after a record-setting term of office in hospice care, I would have nominated her hospice nurse for sainthood. Her care for our mother was God-like, upper-case.  

This morning I remember that nurse because of a one-act play I attended yesterday, something staged in a waiting room, where an old woman tended her feeble husband so admirably that I wanted to wish them a loving, fiery chariot home. 

This morning I'm thankful for the millions of weary caregivers--professional and not so--who care for and thereby respect the feeble. 

Those who love them.

3 comments:

Clint W said...

I've often said that there's a special place in heaven for hospice nurses.

dklineg said...

My mom is in a nursing home that does a great job in caring for her. I don't express my appreciation enough for what they do.
-dk

Anonymous said...

There were tears in my eyes as I finished reading your story, My mom is now a 96 year old in a nursing home in orange city,Iowa . I can't be there myself to care for her, but the good lord looks out for her with a loving care at the home.