Morning Thanks

Garrison Keillor once said we'd all be better off if we all started the day by giving thanks for just one thing. I'll try.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

"Calling"--a story III



The Circle, a support group composed mainly of single individuals, made a rather convincing case for calling the Samaritan woman. However, because a woman pastor was not a possibility, they recommended the apostle Paul, who, despite his sometimes virulent sexism, understood very well the dignity of the single life.

Support for Jonah came from post-highs who rarely came to church, except when dragged along by their parents. Although quite unorganized (they submitted no formal document), they were unofficially polled by one of the elders while standing out on the sidewalk after the morning service. “Jonah?” Elder Dominick said, non-plussed, “--because of the whale business?”

“Yah, that too,” one of them said. “But mostly, that vine thing—I love that. You know—‘been there, don’t that.’”

The apostle Paul was the second choice of the men of the Breakfast Club, the business leaders who met biweekly at the health club, where--in addition to playing racquetball doubles--they ate thickly granola-ed yogurt and studied the greatest hits of C. S. Lewis. The apostle Paul had some appeal—“running the race and all of that,” but John the disciple got the nod because, not only was he was the finest athlete of the twelve, he found a gracious way to make his athleticism clear in the story of the resurrection.

The club’s other vote went to Daniel, who, they claimed, was the most intelligent of all the prophets, well-educated in the ways of the world, and obviously committed to the faith. And, good night, what endurance, they said.

The small-groups got together to discuss their needs, but claimed they didn’t feel up to naming a specific candidate. They’d be likely to approve of anyone, they said, as long as he or she was there at Pentecost.

The Reach-out Committee threw in a strong vote for Elijah, assuming he could pull of a stunt like the one on Mt. Carmel, for the 800 prophets of Baal.

The Christianity Today Discussion Group thought maybe they could get John the Baptist, and they said they’d work on the clothing thing if it all worked out. The Christian Century group were sure the only fit candidate was the Ethiopian since Springvale was so disturbingly monochrome. Like the Men’s Society, the Dobson-ites wanted Jeremiah, but claimed they could settle for any of his immediate Old Testament neighbors, Ezekiel maybe, after the way Obama was taking us all down the tubes.

Al-Anon wasn’t giving to naming names but claimed they could live with any of Noah’s sons.

The Liturgy Committee felt Moses would be a good man to decide once and for all the laws governing good music and proper worship styles, but they’d consider Solomon, too, they said, if he’d promise to shed some of the darkness of Ecclesiastes. 

But then someone brought up the concubines, and they determined he wouldn’t be a good choice, not in the present ecclesiastical climate. Finally, they settled on Noah, even though they claimed to know very little about his worship preferences. “Anyone who could keep order on the ark has great potential,” they said.

[Tomorrow: the nominations continue to roll in.]

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